The beauty of Silence

So as some of you know, I have recently returned home from Taize France. It was a marvelous trip. My experience as a whole is one that transcends words. However, over the past two weeks I have written various reflections as I continue to debrief and reflect on that which I experienced.

Adjusting back to the "real world" has been incredibly difficult for me. Life was just so much easier in Taize. The thing that has been toughest for me to adjust to is the silence - or in my case the lack thereof.

Before leaving for Taize I would avoid silence at all costs. My mind is a scary place, that should not be wandered into for too long. Even the silence during morning prayer, a whole minute or two tops, felt like a lifetime. For those of you who are firmiliar with Taize know there is a lot of silence. The first few services I tried to distract myself. I'd look around the church, sing a song, whatever it took to get through those 10 minutes.

On Tuesday I found myself in a real funk I just couldn't get out of. I'd tried to practice the silence, but the thoughts and other things running through my head were too hard to block out and too painful to deal with. Then someone told me something that I didn't want to hear, but knew to be true. Sometimes we hate to be with our own thoughts, it's unpleasant and hard, but maybe that is just where we need to be. After that I allowed myself - forced myself - to live into the silence. I struggled though the Friday night liturgy to deal with my thoughts. Then something happened, the silence moved me. (I'll speak more of this in a future post.)

I found myself at the end of the trip loving the silence, needing the silence. When I returned home, I hit the ground running. Everything was (and is) different. I found myself craving the silence I had at Taize. The brief moments of silence during Morning Prayer - the moments that used to feel like an eternity - lasts seconds. I found myself going to church randomly during the day to find that quiet space I needed.

I realized how easy it is at home to fill our lives with thousands of things that distract us from what is most important. That silence helped me work though some issues that I needed to face, and I'm thankful for the knowledge of that tool.

I hope that we can all take time and be silent. That we can listen for that small still voice of God calling us. When we allow ourselves to be silent it is then that we can find that powerful voice telling us to not be afraid and that we are loved.