Seven whole days

Yesterday I put up the lyrics to one of my favorite hymns "King of glory, king of peace". In a rush to quickly get a George Herbert reference on the blog I forgot to put in a plug for a new blog. The Rev'd Scott Gunn is a friend of mine and priest-in-charge of Christ Church in Lincoln. He has a great new blog called Seven Whole Days (taken from the first line of the third verse of "King of glory, king of peace". I encourage you to check it out.

George Herbert

Today the Episcopal Church remembers the life and ministry of George Herbert. Herbert wrote the lyrics to one of my favorite hymns

So thanks George.

King of glory, King of peace,
I will love thee;
and that love may never cease,
I will move thee.
Thou hast granted my request,
thou hast heard me;
thou didst note my working breast,
thou hast spared me.

Wherefore with my utmost art
I will sing thee,
and the cream of all my heart
I will bring thee.
Though my sins against me cried,
thou didst clear me;
and alone, when they replied,
thou didst hear me.

Seven whole days, not one in seven,
I will praise thee;
in my heart, though not in heaven,
I can raise thee.
Small it is, in this poor sort
to enroll thee:
e’en eternity’s too short
to extol thee.
George Herbert, 1633

Time to say goodbye

This past Sunday - Feb 17, 2008 - was the Second Sunday in Lent. But, for me it was much more than that. It was one final Sunday at Christ Church in Lincoln. When I told Scott, the priest-in-charge, of Christ Church that I would be leaving he offered to have a liturgical goodbye.

The service was called "The Sending Forth of Members of our Community" and it went a little something like this.

Presider The Lord shall watch over your going out and your coming in:
People From this time forth forevermore.
The Presider offers thanks to the departing members for their ministry in this community.

Let us pray,

O God, whose glory fills the whole creation, and whose presence we find wherever we go: Preserve these people; surround them with your loving care; protect them from every danger; and bring them joy in their new home; through Jesus Christ our Savior. Amen.

Then all the People, with the Presider, say together

May the road rise up to meet you,
and the wind be always at your back;
may the sun shine warm upon your face,
the rains fall soft upon your fields,
until we meet again;
may God hold you in the palm of his hand.
Amen.

The service continues with the Peace

It was a truly moving and special moment for me. As a special bonus, I was asked to serve as a Eucharistic minister during the service - to administer the chalice during communion. It was an added blessing to be able to share in communion with the Chris Church family, in that special way, one last time.

It was the perfect ending to one of the greatest chapters of my life and ministry. I am forever grateful to the people of Christ Church for their love and support over the years. I now move on to a new chapter, to the next stage God is calling me to. I feel all the more ready knowing I have the prayers and support of this my first Church family.

A discernment story

I recently came to the conclusion that it was time for me to leave Christ Church. A place that had been my home, and a people that have been my family for the past ten years. On coming to this conclusion the priest-in-charge, The Rev'd Scott Gunn, asked me to write a letter to the parish about my discernment on leaving. Copied below is that letter, which appeared in the bulletin on my last Sunday there.

“Almighty and everlasting God, by whose Spirit the whole body of your faithful people is governed and sanctified: Receive our supplications and prayers, which we offer before you for all members of your holy Church, that in their vocation and ministry they may truly and devoutly serve you; through our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, who lives and reigns with you, in the unity of the Holy Spirit, one God, now and forever. Amen”
Collect For the Ministry (Ember Days)
III. For all Christians in their vocation.
BCP pg. 256

Throughout life God calls us to do new things, to journey to new places. We, having received these calls, must then discern what God is asking of us. This is my story of discernment.

One of the greatest joys in my life is journeying to the altar week by week to receive communion. The experience, for me, transcends words. There are times when my spiritual connection with God during the Liturgy is so strong, that I have been moved to tears. However, about three years ago that feeling faded away. I had no connection to the service, and everything I did was just going through the motions. At first I assumed this to be natural, just part of the ebb and flow of spiritual life. I figured one day the feeling would come back, so I put it out of my mind and went on with life.

As my ministry grew I traveled to various national church events. Each event included daily worship of some kind, primarily a Eucharistic celebration. At each celebration I felt my connection with God growing stronger and stronger. I was grateful to renew this connection, but puzzled as to why it was happening at these events and not at Christ Church. To avoid any discomfort that might come from deeper prayer and thought, I rationalized each situation. “This one was with fifteen hundred other young people,” or, “Well, of course there is an intense feeling here. I’m at a candle lit Eucharist with other students who want to be ordained,” or “Its General Convention, of course the service is amazing.” After each event I came home, and returned to the routine of my worship life. Shortly after returning home form General Convention I decided to add a weeknight Eucharist to my spiritual life. The most convenient service for me to attend was the Wednesday night Eucharist at St. Paul’s Pawtucket. After the first week or two my spiritual connection was back. I was being spiritually nourished in ways that I had not been in years. Like all the other experiences I tried to rationalize them. But as the weeks went on my connection grew stronger and stronger. I had to face the music. I had to ask myself, “What is God calling me to?”

After a year of these services, it became clear what I needed to do. But, luckily I did not have to face it because I was moving to Maine for school. My plan changed when I transferred out of the University of New England to Rhode Island College. I had come back home, and I needed to face my problem.

At first I tried being apart of two congregations. Worshipping at the eight o’clock service at Christ Church, and the ten-thirty at St. Paul’s. For a while, that was working great. I was getting the worship experience I needed, while spending time with my family at Christ Church. However, that did not last long. The more time I spent at St. Paul’s the more I felt God calling me to be apart of that community.

It was an incredibly difficult decision to make. For the past ten years, the people here at Christ Church have been my family. I always felt at home at Christ Church, and it is probably safe to say that I spent more time here than at my actual home. So much of who I am today, is a reflection of my life and ministry here. You helped shape and form me into the person I am today, and for that I am truly thankful.

I believe that God is calling me to a new stage of my ministry, much as He is calling Christ Church to a new stage. I hope we can always listen for God’s call. We must open our hearts and minds to the discernment process He is leading us to. It is an exciting time in the life and ministry of Christ Church, and this is an exciting time for me. There are so many wonderful opportunities to shape and form Christ Church into the place God is calling it to be, and to form the person I am called to be. It will not always be easy. We must wrestle with God just like Jacob did, and in time He will reveal His plan for you and for me.

This is not “goodbye”, but instead “I’ll see you around”. Christ Church will always hold a special place in my heart, and will always have my deepest gratitude. I will continue to keep all of you in my prayers, and hope you keep me in yours.

Your fellow servant in Christ,
Dee Tavolaro

My personal trinity

So I wrote this paper for my writing class, but ended up not using it. When I showed my work to the TA she really liked it. Thought it would be a good sermon or opinion piece on what it means to be a priest or what it means to be a Christian. It is just a draft, but there it is.

“Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some people move our souls to dance. They awaken us to new understanding with the passing whisper of their wisdom. Some people make the sky more beautiful to gaze upon. They stay in our lives for while, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never ever the same.”

I have spent a great deal of time hanging around churches over the past seven years. I guess that’s what happens when you feel that God is calling you to the Priesthood. On my journey, I have encountered many wonderful people. But, three stand out above the rest. To put it simply, they have become my own personal trinity.

I first met The Rev’d John Van Siclen in March of 2005. It was then that he started his time as Interim Rector of Christ Episcopal Church in Lincoln Rhode Island – my former parish. I was apprehensive at first, to allow myself to build a relationship with John. I was extremely close with the priest who served at Christ Church before John. Her departure left me absolutely devastated. Just as quickly as our relationship developed she was gone. It was as if when she left she took my trust with her. I wasn’t about to put myself in a situation where I would get close with John just in time for him to leave. But, it seemed the more I tried to stay away the closer we became. It all started over a cup of coffee.

Every Sunday between the two services, John and I would go down to Dunkin’ Donuts for what I called “Joe with John”. We talked about anything and everything. But, more often than not we ended up talking about church politics. John had a really good sense of all that was going on in the wider church. I took our time together as an opportunity to learn about the polity of the church. Who the big players are, what the issues were, and all that jazz. As time went on, John took me to different events around the Diocese of Rhode Island. Introducing me to various people, and helping me establish my own name on that level. He even did the same at a National Church convention we attended. He helped me build relationships around the church, relationships that would benefit me now and in the future. Part of being a priest – like anything else – is building a network, a safety net; around you of people who can help you expand your ministry. John not only helped me lay the foundation of my network, but he helped me remember that it is ok to trust others. That it is important to risk being hurt, in order to get close to others.

They say that laughter is the best medicine. Well if that is the case than The Rev’d Susan Wrathall is the best doctor around. Mother Susan works as the Assistant to the Rector at St. Paul’s Episcopal Church in Pawtucket Rhode Island – my home parish. If I ever went to church feeling a little blue or wasn’t having a good day, one conversation with Mother Susan would change that completely. In fact, I can’t really remember an encounter with Mother Susan where I didn’t laugh at some point.
A big part of Mother Susan’s ministry revolves around Christian formation, or in other words, Christian education. In July of 2007 I had the opportunity to work with Mother Susan in one of the greatest forms of Christian formation there is – Chaplain’s time at ECC. ECC is the Episcopal Conference Center. Among other things it serves as the Diocese of Rhode Island summer camp. Mother Susan served as the Chaplain for younger children’s camp, and I have the privilege of being her assistant. Throughout the week, we shared different Bible stories with the kids. At times she would even teach them a song to go with it. I don’t think I will ever again laugh as hard I did when she started sing and doing hand gestures to the song “Who built the ark?”
“Who built the ark? Noah! Noah!” she would sing as she threw her hands in air. “Who built the ark? Brother Noah built the ark!”
I always knew she took her ministry very seriously, but it was then I learned that she didn’t take herself so seriously. She could laugh at herself, make things enjoyable and fun for other, and have a great time doing it. Things can get very difficult in the life of the church, and sometimes the only thing you can do is have a good laugh and sing a little song.

Besides camp, and everyday life around the church there is something else very important that I have been able to share with Mother Susan. Every once in a while after Morning Prayer, I’ll go with Mother Susan to drop off whatever collection the church has just finished. Sometimes we would deliver school supplies, and sometimes it was coats. Going and dropping these things off allowed me to see the difference we were making. It was on these trips that I was reminded of the importance of service. That the life of a priest is the life of service, and that above all that is what they are there for. To reach out to those in need, to love, to care, to work, and to share.

The Rev’d Bill Locke is possibly the greatest priest I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. He is a quiet and humble man, who truly understands the pastoral nature of the priesthood. He is always there lifting up others for there work, without mention of himself. I had met Bill a few times here and there, but really my first opportunity to get to know him was at a national church convention during the summer of 2006. At first he seemed like just your average parish priest. But, shortly after our return home I would learn that there was something special about him. At a follow up meeting for the convention Bill showed up in khaki pants and a Hawaiian shirt. When he saw me, he said, “Dude! How you doing?” I still had no clue what was so different about him, but I knew whatever it was I liked it.

My favorite part of the Episcopal Church is the liturgy. There is something so moving, so fulfilling, so comforting about a well-done liturgy. I can’t explain it, but no one does liturgy like Bill Locke. There is something about attending worship at St. Paul’s that is just different than any other church around – something special. He has shown me new depths of liturgy that I didn’t know existed. The prayers are said with a sense of passion and seriousness. They aren’t just read like you would read a story, they are believed. The level of musical excellence allows the worshipper to close their eyes, and enter into mediation. It is there purely to enhance the prayer, and not as some sort of mini concert. Every element of the worship service – the liturgy – is carefully planed. Each move, each prayer, set to allow those present to put their daily distractions behind them and truly focus on God. Through example he taught me not only to bring my life to the liturgy, to come longing for spiritual nourishment. But to also bring the liturgy to my life, and spread the light and message of Christ with others.

Very quickly Bill became more than just another priest. He became my priest and my friend. He was always there to listen, to give advice, and to offer his prayers. During the Fall Semester I found myself in a bit of trouble. I had started smoking cigarettes again, and drinking became an everyday thing whether it was with friends or alone. I couldn’t take it any more. I had to share what was going on with someone. One morning I found myself sitting at my computer and confessing everything to Bill in an email. Later that afternoon, I was driving back up to Maine for school. On the way to the highway I passed by my church and I saw Bill’s car in the parking lot. I knew I had to stop. I couldn’t just let it go with the email. I knocked on his office door to see if he had time to talk. As he got up from his desk he said, “I’m glad you stopped by.” With that he gave me a big hug. It was in that moment that I knew things would be ok. They weren’t going to be easy, but in time all would be fine. We talked for maybe an hour or so. At the end of our conversation he said two things to me that I will never forget. He told me that he was good at receiving calls from college, as he has two grown daughters of his own, and that if I ever needed to talk that I should call him. Then he told me that I shouldn’t give up because things would get better. He told me that I was special and that there were a lot of people who cared about me and loved me. He gave me another hug, and sent me on my way. As I pulled away from the church I knew he truly cared, and that was the greatest gift I could ask for. Bill showed me what it truly means to be a pastor.
It was all starting to connect. That trust that I had regained through my friendship with John, allowed me to connect with Bill. It allowed me to reach out in my time of greatest need, and get the love and support I needed to make it through. I put myself in an extremely vulnerable situation by confessing my behavior to Bill. I had to trust that he in return would treat that vulnerability with respect, kindness, and support.

I truly believe that each person is a reflection of those who they learn form, and those whom they love. As we watch those around us, we learn from them, and apply those lessons to our own life. As Glinda and Elphaba sing in the song “For Good” from the Broadway Musical Wicked:

I’ve heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don’t know if I believe that’s true
But I know I’m who I am today
Because I knew you . . .
. . . I have been changed for good.

I believe that my life and ministry – now and in the years to come – is a reflection of those clergy and people I have known and loved. I hope that my ministry can be a reflection of my personal trinity. That I can learn to be open with others, entrust them with my vulnerability, and allow them to trust me with theirs. That I may never take myself too seriously, and can always remember the value of a good laugh and a little song. That I may live a life of service, going into the world to love, to care, to work, and to share. That I may, most importantly, love and care for those for are entrusted to my care. I hope that one day I leave footprints in the heart of someone the way they have for me. I hope that one day, because of knowing me, someone is changed for good.