On Marriage

I've been thinking a lot about marriage lately. It started with the legal victories in California, and all that has come with it. But, really the majority of it has been this weekend. For those of you who don't know, this weekend was Rhode Island Pride. I'm hoping to post on that soon. But along with all the partying there were booths about very important issues, including marriage equality. In a few conversations I had with people they mentioned the "Religious Right" and their view of "Biblical Marriage". We all know what that the "Biblical Marriage" is supposed to mean - one man, one woman, and a kid or two.

Well, this morning in church we had an interesting reading on marriage. Now I must admit that I did not come up with this on my own, it comes from the sermon preached by my Rector this morning. However as a wise man once said, "Good artists borrow, great artists steal." This morning's reading from the Book of Genesis (Genesis 21:8-21) is the story of Hagar and Ishmael. Sarah has at this point had Isaac and is worried that Ishmael will inherit everything as he is the older son.

Ishmael is the son of Hagar and Abraham. Now here is the deal with Hagar and Abraham. Sarah still hadn't borne Abraham a son so she told him to have a child with her maid Hagar. So now Abraham has two wives and will eventually have a third.

It was very common for a man to have multiple wives and a few concubines as well. So is this the bible ideal of marriage? One man, and multiple women?

I don't have any big world shattering ideas, but just some food for thought.

Episcopalians and Fabulous

I was so proud a week or two ago when I received eRISEN and saw the information for Episcopalians and Fabulous. It was a calendar of events for pride sponsored by the GLBT group at Grace Episcopal Church in Providence . Many churches in the Diocese have no problem with their LGBT members. I know I'm out at my church to clergy and members and it's no big deal. As my rector said, "To quote Mr. Rogers, 'I love you just the way you are.'" But, here is a church with an actual ministry reaching out to the LGBT community. Way to go guys! I'm very excited to have been invited to join them, and I certainly look forward to celebrating my gay pride and Episcopal pride tomorrow (Saturday June 21) in downtown Providence. If you are around downcity tomorrow over by Kennedy Plaza I encourage you to come stop by and say hello.


Saturday 21 June – 2008 Pride Marketplace

NOON. Come Visit the Grace Church information and welcome table

Saturday 21 June – 2008 Pride Parade

EVENING. Join the LGBT & Friends Alliance of Grace Church

Sunday 22 June – Sunday Worship at Grace Church in Providence

Corner of Westminster and Mathewson Streets in Downcity

Worship with Grace Church in Providence at 8AM and 10AM

Hospitality following the 10AM service courtesy the LGBT & Friends

Alliance of Grace Church

Surprised By Hope

I am currently reading N. T Wright's new book Surprised By Hope: Rethinking Heaven, the Resurrection, and the Mission of the Church as part of a book study at my church. Imagine my surprise when watching The Colbert Report to see that Stephen Colbert was interviewing Bishop N. T Wright on his book Surprised By Hope. I'm about halfway through the book and it's pretty good: It's interesting stuff.

Check out the video below and the book

The Baptismal Covenant

In honor of the new name of this Blog, I thought it would be appropriate to post The Baptismal Covenant. It has been over a month since we have renewed our Baptismal Covenants. I think many times we all need a little reminder of that which was promised for us and that which we promised for ourselves.

CelebrantDo you believe in God the Father?
People I believe in God, the Father almighty, creator of heaven and earth.

Celebrant Do you believe in Jesus Christ, the Son of God?
People I believe in Jesus Christ, his only Son, our Lord.
He was conceived by the power of the Holy Spirit
and born of the Virgin Mary.
He suffered under Pontius Pilate,
was crucified, died, and was buried.
He descended to the dead.
On the third day he rose again.
He ascended into heaven,
and is seated at the right hand of the Father.
He will come again to judge the living and the dead.

Celebrant Do you believe in God the Holy Spirit?
People I believe in the Holy Spirit,
the holy catholic Church,
the communion of saints,
the forgiveness of sins,
the resurrection of the body,
and the life everlasting.

Celebrant Will you continue in the apostles' teaching and
fellowship, in the breaking of bread, and in the
prayers?
People I will, with God's help

Celebrant Will you persevere in resisting evil, and, whenever
you fall into sin, repent and return to the Lord?
People I will, with God's help

Celebrant Will you proclaim by word and example the Good
News of God in Christ?
People I will, with God's help

Celebrant Will you seek and serve Christ in all persons, loving
your neighbor as yourself?
People I will, with God's help


Celebrant Will you strive for justice and peace among all
people, and respect the dignity of every human
being?
People I will, with God's help

New Title

So the blog - as you can see - has a brand new look. With the new look it's time for a new title. So I'm looking for ideas. Give me the best title and win a prize.

The Gay-After

From The Daily Show

Taize Pictures

I took a ton of pictures at Taize. They can be found here

The beauty of Silence

So as some of you know, I have recently returned home from Taize France. It was a marvelous trip. My experience as a whole is one that transcends words. However, over the past two weeks I have written various reflections as I continue to debrief and reflect on that which I experienced.

Adjusting back to the "real world" has been incredibly difficult for me. Life was just so much easier in Taize. The thing that has been toughest for me to adjust to is the silence - or in my case the lack thereof.

Before leaving for Taize I would avoid silence at all costs. My mind is a scary place, that should not be wandered into for too long. Even the silence during morning prayer, a whole minute or two tops, felt like a lifetime. For those of you who are firmiliar with Taize know there is a lot of silence. The first few services I tried to distract myself. I'd look around the church, sing a song, whatever it took to get through those 10 minutes.

On Tuesday I found myself in a real funk I just couldn't get out of. I'd tried to practice the silence, but the thoughts and other things running through my head were too hard to block out and too painful to deal with. Then someone told me something that I didn't want to hear, but knew to be true. Sometimes we hate to be with our own thoughts, it's unpleasant and hard, but maybe that is just where we need to be. After that I allowed myself - forced myself - to live into the silence. I struggled though the Friday night liturgy to deal with my thoughts. Then something happened, the silence moved me. (I'll speak more of this in a future post.)

I found myself at the end of the trip loving the silence, needing the silence. When I returned home, I hit the ground running. Everything was (and is) different. I found myself craving the silence I had at Taize. The brief moments of silence during Morning Prayer - the moments that used to feel like an eternity - lasts seconds. I found myself going to church randomly during the day to find that quiet space I needed.

I realized how easy it is at home to fill our lives with thousands of things that distract us from what is most important. That silence helped me work though some issues that I needed to face, and I'm thankful for the knowledge of that tool.

I hope that we can all take time and be silent. That we can listen for that small still voice of God calling us. When we allow ourselves to be silent it is then that we can find that powerful voice telling us to not be afraid and that we are loved.

Kisses

This was shown to me and almost brought me to tears.

I know it has only been three months, but you're the best thing that has ever happened to me. I'm so blessed to have you in my life. Thanks for opening my eyes. To us in 40 years.


Minnie Bruce Pratt and Leslie Feinberg

The following can be found here


The Ritz

Just before we sleep, I stroke your back and begin a favorite fantasy, how we met each other when we were very young. Outside the Ritz movie theater in thick summer night, I am a slightly plump teenager, self-conscious in white short-shorts and sandals, waiting with friends to see Pillow Talk or Where the Boys Are. You are a stranger, the only person no one knows. ("What am I wearing?" you say. "Blue jeans, and a white t-shirt, and sneakers." "Yes! How did you know?" "I do know you," I say. You murmur, to yourself, "Did you really have on short-shorts then?") Someone taunts you with where you are from, but you flirt with me in front of everyone. (And you in the present begin to talk to me: "What's your name? What a pretty name. Will you take a walk with me?")

The other boys and girls have done nothing but tease me about my name since we began school together when we were six. Suspicious, they watch me on the edge of something dangerous, talking to a strange boy, in the spill of light from the street lamp. Junebugs skid through the air and thud into us. Doris Day's poster face, virginal and blonde, smiles secretively at us. I watch myself looking at you, wanting what I can't even name. I ask you, "Are you really a boy?" And you say, "Yes....No." We pay our fifteen cents to go sit in torn vinyl seats. You want to put your arm around me, but I say, "No, everyone is watching. Around here, that's almost the same as getting married." You hold my hand instead and whisper in my ear how sweet I am. I say, "You are too nice to be a boy." Sometimes when we play at being teenagers, you coax me, "Please let me touch your breasts," and my nipples heat up and then flare out in the fear of being touched. Then I begin to cry, bitter hot tears, wanting so badly to be a girl who had you for her first kiss, her first everything.

Kisses

We climb down the stairs to your gym, a basement of grey gun-metal machines lined up in rows, each array of equipment designed to augment a specific segment of the body, the deltoids, the pectorals. It looks like the inside of a factory, a body factory. You say you work out early in the morning because then you can take your time. No men waiting in line for their turn while you wrestle with yourself to sweat on the weights as long as you need to. The bulletin board has a magazine picture up, a row of women with defined and staring muscles. You point to the woman who is most sculpted, whose muscles are most precise, and say she lost the body-building competition because she had gone too far toward masculinity. The judges preferred more blur in a woman's body. You say you want me to come with you one day as you work out, to spot you, my hand out to break and balance a slip as you lift. I say that I'll murmur, "You can do one more, baby, one more for me," while I kiss the back of your sweaty neck. But you demur: No kissing here.

It's a gay gym, but a few heterosexual couples insist they can do it anywhere they please, the man and woman who rolled writhing on the mats, while the infrequent men caught at it with each other in the bathroom are always kicked out. Though we are two women, here we'd be seen as heterosexual, and resented. No, no kissing here.

In the Tastee Diner we've had our french fries and cole slaw and a shared chocolate milkshake. Full of comfort, I put down the tip, you go pay the check. When you come back to the red plastic booth, some old 60s song is playing. You take me in your arms and begin to dance with me in the aisle between the booths and the coat racks. At the next table two women are scandalized, their eyebrows in O's of astonishment. Later you joke that they wanted to hold you responsible, to say, "Young man, this is not a dance hall." But I was moving with you far beyond boyfriend and girlfriend, beyond a lingering kiss taken over lunch. I was giving myself to you in the way I have perfected over the years since the summer night I stood by another butch lover, drinking beer outside the hidden back door of a small town gay bar. Since the moment a drunk white man staggered out past us, and began to taunt me with his invitation, "What are you doing with her? Come with me. I can give it to you." Bewildered, I turned my back on him, moved closer to her, put my hand on her bare muscled forearm. Whoever she was, she was not a man, and I was not the woman he thought I was. But in daylight, in public, in a parked car near her job, she wouldn't let me kiss her.

I have waited years for you who wants to flaunt me on her arm, my face radiant with desire, as if I'd put my face deep into a lily, heavy with pollen, and raised it to you, smeared and smelly with butter yellow, sated but not yet satisfied, our meal not yet finished as I cling to you in the aisle of the dilapidated diner.

Daily effects of straight privilege

This was posted in the Unity Center at Rhode Island College. Enjoy!



This article is based on Peggy McIntosh's article on white privilege and was written by a number os straight-identified students at Earlham College who got together to look at some examples of straight privilege. These dynamics are but a few examples of the privilege which straight people have. Lesbian, gay, bisexual, and queer-identified folk have a range of different experiences, but cannot count on most of these conditions in their lives.

On a daily basis as a straight person . . .

• I can be pretty sure that my roommate, hallmates and classmates will be comfortable with my sexual orientation.
  
• If I pick up a magazine, watch TV, or play music, I can be certain my sexual orientation will be represented.
  
• When I talk about my heterosexuality (such as in a joke or talking about my relationships), I will not be accused of pushing my sexual orientation onto others.
• I do not have to fear that if my family or friends find out about my sexual orientation there will be economic, emotional, physical or psychological consequences.
  
• I did not grow up with games that attack my sexual orientation (IE fag tag or smear the queer).
• I am not accused of being abused, warped or psychologically confused because of my sexual orientation.
• I can go home from most meetings, classes, and conversations without feeling excluded, fearful, attacked, isolated, outnumbered, unheard, held at a distance, stereotyped or feared because of my sexual orientation.
• I am never asked to speak for everyone who is heterosexual
• I can be sure that my classes will require curricular materials that testify to the existence of people with my sexual orientation.
  
• People don't ask why I made my choice of sexual orientation.
• People don't ask why I made my choice to be public about my sexual orientation.
  
• I do not have to fear revealing my sexual orientation to friends or family. It's assumed.
• My sexual orientation was never associated with a closet.
  
• People of my gender do not try to convince me to change my sexual orientation.
• I don't have to defend my heterosexuality.
• I can easily find a religious community that will not exclude me for being heterosexual.
• I can count on finding a therapist or doctor willing and able to talk about my sexuality.
• I am guaranteed to find sex education literature for couples with my sexual orientation.
  
• Because of my sexual orientation, I do not need to worry that people will harass me.
  
• I have no need to qualify my straight identity.
  
• My masculinity/femininity is not challenged because of my sexual orientation.
• I am not identified by my sexual orientation
  
• I can be sure that if I need legal or medical help my sexual orientation will not work against me.
• If my day, week, or year is going badly, I need not ask of each negative episode or situation whether it has sexual orientation overtones.
  
• Whether I rent or I go to a theater, Blockbuster, an EFS or TOFS movie, I can be sure I will not have trouble finding my sexual orientation represented.
  
• I am guaranteed to find people of my sexual orientation represented in the Earlham curriculum, faculty, and administration.
• I can walk in public with my significant other and not have people double-take or stare.
  
• I can choose to not think politically about my sexual orientation.
• I do not have to worry about telling my roommate about my sexuality. It is assumed I am a heterosexual.
• I can remain oblivious of the language and culture of LGBTQ fold without feeling in my culture any penalty for such oblivion.
  
• I can go for months without being called straight.
• I'm not grouped because of my sexual orientation.
• My individual behavior does not reflect on people who identify as heterosexual.
  
• In everyday conversation, the language of my friends and I use generally assumes my sexual orientation. For example, sex inappropriately referring to only heterosexual sex or family meaning heterosexual relationships with kids.
  
• People do not assume i am experienced in sex (or that I even have it!) merely because of my sexual orientation.
• I can kiss a person of the opposite gender on the heart of in the cafeteria without being watched or stared at.
  
• Nobody calls me straight with maliciousness.
• People can use terms that describe my sexual orientation and mean positive things (IE "Straight as an arrow", "standing up straight" or "straightened out") instead of demeaning terms (IE "ewww, that's gay" or being "queer").
• I am not asked to think about why I am straight.
  
• I can be open about my sexual orientation without worrying about my job.
  

Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Yesterday was the feast day of Dietrich Bonhoeffer. Bonhoeffer was a Luthern who ran an underground seminary in Germany during the reign of Hilter. He was eventually arrested and killed. He stood up for his faith in a time when you could be killed for it.

Bonhoeffer is probably my favorite modern day saint. He is my role model to put up with all the crap of life. Not that I am persecuted for my faith, but I find him an inspiration for something else. Being gay is not easy. I constantly have to deal with verbal abuse and the occasional physical abuse. Last night after my chime rehearsal I walked from St. Paul's to Dunkin' Donuts, to the Ground Round, and finally back to church. While I was walking from Dunkin' to the Ground Round, a group of guys were sitting next to a truck parked in a parking lot. One of them yelled out to me and called me an "f***ing fag." They kept yelling until I was out of site. I didn't say anything to them or acknowledge them, because I didn't want to start anything more serious.

Stuff like that happens to me, and many of my friends, more often then it should. But, when it does I'm reminded of Dietrich Bonhoeffer. Here was a man who did not let discrimination stand in his way of leading the life God was calling him to lead. He is an example to me that I should not let intolerance stand in the way of who God made me to be. If he could be true to himself facing persecution, arrest, and eventually death, I can certain be true to myself facing some very limited persecution.

May Dietrich Bonhoeffer be an example to use all. May his life be for us a reminder to be the person that God calls us to be through the good, the bad, and the ugly.

Gracious God, the Beyond in the midst of our life, you gave grace to your servant Dietrich Bonhoeffer to know and to teach the truth as it is in Jesus Christ, and to bear the cost of following him; Grant that we, strengthened by his teaching and example, may receive your word and embrace its call with an undivided heart; through Jesus Christ our Savior, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, for ever and ever. Amen.

Discrimination hurts everyone

Today at RIC we experienced a hate crime. April is Queer Awareness month so RIC Rainbow put a banner in Donovan Dinning center advertising the month. On the poster is a picture of two men kissing. This morning someone decided to cut out the picture of the two men. This was after earlier this week someone taring the banner down completely.

I'll post more later when I have some more time to write. I'll leave you with this one thought for now:

Discrimination hurts everyone.

Please pray for the Queer community at RIC, the person(s) responsible for this act, and for the wider RIC community as a whole.

The gift of communion

Thanks to Scott Gunn for posting about this opportunity over at Seven Whole Days

If the efforts of a few people are successful, the Anglican Communion as we know it will not survive to the end of this year. From the right, there are puritan forces who wish to maintain a strict code of moral theology, expelling all those who disagree with their view. From the left, there are those, especially in the US, who believe that we should proceed with our prophetic purpose, regardless of its effects on other people in other cultures.

In other words, our very Communion is threatened.

Read the rest of the article and the statement here.

I think it's really important that the Anglican Communion exists. Being a band geek I think of much of life in terms of music. I see the Anglican communion like a band. Each province representing a difference section. Now sure each section can play on their own. There are tons of clarinet choirs and trumpet trios. But, only when they come together - all the parts as one - do they form a band. You can't have a band without the clarinets, or saxophones, or percussion. Just like you can't have the Anglican Communion without Nigeria, England, and the United States. It is our differences - our unique sounds - that allow us to come together and make beautiful music to our God.

Let us keep working together to maintain the beautiful music of our Anglican Communion, that we may continue to better serve each other and thus our God.

The Easter sermon of John Chrysostom

Are there any who are devout lovers of God?
Let them enjoy this beautiful bright festival!

Are there any who are grateful servants?
Let them rejoice and enter into the joy of their Lord!

Are there any weary with fasting?
Let them now receive their wages!

If any have toiled from the first hour,
let them receive their due reward;
If any have come after the third hour,
let him with gratitude join in the Feast!
And he that arrived after the sixth hour,
let him not doubt; for he too shall sustain no loss.
And if any delayed until the ninth hour,
let him not hesitate; but let him come too.
And he who arrived only at the eleventh hour,
let him not be afraid by reason of his delay.
For the Lord is gracious and receives the last even as the first.
He gives rest to him that comes at the eleventh hour,
as well as to him that toiled from the first.

To this one He gives, and upon another He bestows.
He accepts the works as He greets the endeavor.
The deed He honors and the intention He commends.
Let us all enter into the joy of the Lord!

First and last alike receive your reward;
rich and poor, rejoice together!
Sober and slothful, celebrate the day!
You that have kept the fast, and you that have not,
rejoice today for the Table is richly laden!

Feast royally on it, the calf is a fatted one.
Let no one go away hungry. Partake, all, of the cup of faith.
Enjoy all the riches of His goodness!

Let no one grieve at his poverty,
for the universal kingdom has been revealed.

Let no one mourn that he has fallen again and again;
for forgiveness has risen from the grave.

Let no one fear death, for the Death of our Savior has set us free.
He has destroyed it by enduring it.
He destroyed Hell when He descended into it.
He put it into an uproar even as it tasted of His flesh.

Isaiah foretold this when he said,
"You, O Hell, have been troubled by encountering Him below."
Hell was in an uproar because it was done away with.
It was in an uproar because it is mocked.
It was in an uproar, for it is destroyed.
It is in an uproar, for it is annihilated.
It is in an uproar, for it is now made captive.

Hell took a body, and discovered God.
It took earth, and encountered Heaven.
It took what it saw, and was overcome by what it did not see.

O death, where is thy sting?
O Hell, where is thy victory?

Christ is Risen, and you, o death, are annihilated!
Christ is Risen, and the evil ones are cast down!
Christ is Risen, and the angels rejoice!
Christ is Risen, and life is liberated!

Christ is Risen, and the tomb is emptied of its dead;
for Christ having risen from the dead,
is become the first-fruits of those who have fallen asleep.

To Him be Glory and Power forever and ever. Amen!


The Easter sermon of John Chrysostom (circa 400 AD)

Alleluia the Lord is Risen!

Alleluia, the Lord is Risen.
The Lord is Risen indeed, Alleluia!

So the Easter Vigil at Church was absolutely amazing! Plus after the service I could have coffee again, and there was cake! I can't think of a better way to celebrate Easter.

I hope to have some more thoughts on Easter later today. But, for now. HAPPY EASTER!

Good Friday

I've always had this particular idea about Good Friday. I've always thought that it is supposed to be this really sad day - I mean Christ is dead. I've always thought that when we read the passion Gospel and got to the point where the congregation says "Crucify him!" that I should get all chocked up. Heck I've always worn all (or mostly all) black to the Good Friday Liturgy. But, for the first time tonight I was told that we don't need to be sad. Tonight at Church I heard a sermon that stated something that should be so obvious. Now, I'll be honest a lot happened during the service and I don't remember much of the sermon. I think, however, that I heard what I needed to hear. Tonight we - the congregation - were asked if we were basically acting. If we were, last night, acting confused at what our teacher and friend was talking about. If we were, tonight, scared at what will happen next. Doing it as if pretending that we were experiencing it all for the first time. But, we shouldn't be doing that. We know what is going to happen. All anyone had to do tonight was flip a couple of pages in the Triduum bulletin and they would see the The Great Vigil of East our principle resurrection eucharist.

I can't remember where the sermon went from their unfortunately. But, I think we shouldn't be sad. There is something more, this isn't the end. We know that tomorrow night we will celebrate The Great Vigil of Easter we will say the "A-word" I will no longer have to observe my lenten fast and can have coffee again. So what does this mean for us? How should we remember Good Friday? Maybe I should of taken notes during the sermon so I would have something more to write. We shouldn't be sad. Yes, we should remember Christ's death. It is a very important part of the story. But, we must remember that there is more and at this time tomorrow I we be celebrating the resurrection of our Lord and Savior.

So no more am I going to be all somber and depressed on Good Friday. I won't do some double speak, Orwellian trick to make it as if I have never experience the Triduum before. But, instead I will remember Christ's death and prepare to celebrate his resurrection.

I hope you all have had a wonderful Holy Week and Triduum thus far. Go to church tomorrow night and celebrate The Great Vigil of Easter. I feel confident in saying that no matter where you go it will be a wonderful service. They don't call it "great" for nothing.

p.s. If you are looking for a place to worship:
St. Paul's Pawtucket
Holy Saturday Liturgy of the Day - 9am
The Great Vigil of Easter - 7:30pm
Easter Sunday - 10:30am

Normal Sunday worship resumes on March 30th with services at 8am and 10:30am

Fish Eyes

I don't think I've written anything on here about this play I directed called Fish Eyes. Fish Eyes is a play about the story of Jesus' ministry as told through the eyes of Peter and Andrew. This past weekend was the performance, and I couldn't have been prouder of my two man cast. But, the play isn't about Doug, Dennis, and I. The play is about a message: a wonderful message.

Sometimes when we read the Gospels we just read them, we don't enter into relationship with them. We hear the same stories again and again and again, and after a while our imaginations stop working. This played allowed me to see the Gospels in a whole new way. Now when I hear the Gospels during church I close my eyes and I no longer hear the reader, but instead I see a scene from the play.

We are about to enter into the holiest time of the church year - Holy Week. A time where we will travel with Jesus into Jerusalem right up until his death and resurrection. I encourage you all to try to get to as many services as you can: to truly live out this time. I'm sure your church - or a church near you - is doing more services than you can count. Some will do as little as 5 others 11, 14, or even 16! As you sit in church or read scripture on your own, allow yourself to wonder what it would be like to be a part of one of - if not the - greatest events in history and not even know it. Allow yourself to feel the joy of entering into Jerusalem, the anger when he is arrested, to deny knowing him (cause we've all been there).

I don't know about the other people who been involved in the play, but personally I'm looking forward to Holy Week. To living out the scenes that we acted out in the play. To seeing myself walking into Jerusalem and standing with the crowd after His arrest. Thinking about the Gospels in new ways allows us to come to greater understanding of these stories and thus a greater understanding of Christ's ministry.

Seven whole days

Yesterday I put up the lyrics to one of my favorite hymns "King of glory, king of peace". In a rush to quickly get a George Herbert reference on the blog I forgot to put in a plug for a new blog. The Rev'd Scott Gunn is a friend of mine and priest-in-charge of Christ Church in Lincoln. He has a great new blog called Seven Whole Days (taken from the first line of the third verse of "King of glory, king of peace". I encourage you to check it out.

George Herbert

Today the Episcopal Church remembers the life and ministry of George Herbert. Herbert wrote the lyrics to one of my favorite hymns

So thanks George.

King of glory, King of peace,
I will love thee;
and that love may never cease,
I will move thee.
Thou hast granted my request,
thou hast heard me;
thou didst note my working breast,
thou hast spared me.

Wherefore with my utmost art
I will sing thee,
and the cream of all my heart
I will bring thee.
Though my sins against me cried,
thou didst clear me;
and alone, when they replied,
thou didst hear me.

Seven whole days, not one in seven,
I will praise thee;
in my heart, though not in heaven,
I can raise thee.
Small it is, in this poor sort
to enroll thee:
e’en eternity’s too short
to extol thee.
George Herbert, 1633

Time to say goodbye

This past Sunday - Feb 17, 2008 - was the Second Sunday in Lent. But, for me it was much more than that. It was one final Sunday at Christ Church in Lincoln. When I told Scott, the priest-in-charge, of Christ Church that I would be leaving he offered to have a liturgical goodbye.

The service was called "The Sending Forth of Members of our Community" and it went a little something like this.

Presider The Lord shall watch over your going out and your coming in:
People From this time forth forevermore.
The Presider offers thanks to the departing members for their ministry in this community.

Let us pray,

O God, whose glory fills the whole creation, and whose presence we find wherever we go: Preserve these people; surround them with your loving care; protect them from every danger; and bring them joy in their new home; through Jesus Christ our Savior. Amen.

Then all the People, with the Presider, say together

May the road rise up to meet you,
and the wind be always at your back;
may the sun shine warm upon your face,
the rains fall soft upon your fields,
until we meet again;
may God hold you in the palm of his hand.
Amen.

The service continues with the Peace

It was a truly moving and special moment for me. As a special bonus, I was asked to serve as a Eucharistic minister during the service - to administer the chalice during communion. It was an added blessing to be able to share in communion with the Chris Church family, in that special way, one last time.

It was the perfect ending to one of the greatest chapters of my life and ministry. I am forever grateful to the people of Christ Church for their love and support over the years. I now move on to a new chapter, to the next stage God is calling me to. I feel all the more ready knowing I have the prayers and support of this my first Church family.

A discernment story

I recently came to the conclusion that it was time for me to leave Christ Church. A place that had been my home, and a people that have been my family for the past ten years. On coming to this conclusion the priest-in-charge, The Rev'd Scott Gunn, asked me to write a letter to the parish about my discernment on leaving. Copied below is that letter, which appeared in the bulletin on my last Sunday there.

“Almighty and everlasting God, by whose Spirit the whole body of your faithful people is governed and sanctified: Receive our supplications and prayers, which we offer before you for all members of your holy Church, that in their vocation and ministry they may truly and devoutly serve you; through our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, who lives and reigns with you, in the unity of the Holy Spirit, one God, now and forever. Amen”
Collect For the Ministry (Ember Days)
III. For all Christians in their vocation.
BCP pg. 256

Throughout life God calls us to do new things, to journey to new places. We, having received these calls, must then discern what God is asking of us. This is my story of discernment.

One of the greatest joys in my life is journeying to the altar week by week to receive communion. The experience, for me, transcends words. There are times when my spiritual connection with God during the Liturgy is so strong, that I have been moved to tears. However, about three years ago that feeling faded away. I had no connection to the service, and everything I did was just going through the motions. At first I assumed this to be natural, just part of the ebb and flow of spiritual life. I figured one day the feeling would come back, so I put it out of my mind and went on with life.

As my ministry grew I traveled to various national church events. Each event included daily worship of some kind, primarily a Eucharistic celebration. At each celebration I felt my connection with God growing stronger and stronger. I was grateful to renew this connection, but puzzled as to why it was happening at these events and not at Christ Church. To avoid any discomfort that might come from deeper prayer and thought, I rationalized each situation. “This one was with fifteen hundred other young people,” or, “Well, of course there is an intense feeling here. I’m at a candle lit Eucharist with other students who want to be ordained,” or “Its General Convention, of course the service is amazing.” After each event I came home, and returned to the routine of my worship life. Shortly after returning home form General Convention I decided to add a weeknight Eucharist to my spiritual life. The most convenient service for me to attend was the Wednesday night Eucharist at St. Paul’s Pawtucket. After the first week or two my spiritual connection was back. I was being spiritually nourished in ways that I had not been in years. Like all the other experiences I tried to rationalize them. But as the weeks went on my connection grew stronger and stronger. I had to face the music. I had to ask myself, “What is God calling me to?”

After a year of these services, it became clear what I needed to do. But, luckily I did not have to face it because I was moving to Maine for school. My plan changed when I transferred out of the University of New England to Rhode Island College. I had come back home, and I needed to face my problem.

At first I tried being apart of two congregations. Worshipping at the eight o’clock service at Christ Church, and the ten-thirty at St. Paul’s. For a while, that was working great. I was getting the worship experience I needed, while spending time with my family at Christ Church. However, that did not last long. The more time I spent at St. Paul’s the more I felt God calling me to be apart of that community.

It was an incredibly difficult decision to make. For the past ten years, the people here at Christ Church have been my family. I always felt at home at Christ Church, and it is probably safe to say that I spent more time here than at my actual home. So much of who I am today, is a reflection of my life and ministry here. You helped shape and form me into the person I am today, and for that I am truly thankful.

I believe that God is calling me to a new stage of my ministry, much as He is calling Christ Church to a new stage. I hope we can always listen for God’s call. We must open our hearts and minds to the discernment process He is leading us to. It is an exciting time in the life and ministry of Christ Church, and this is an exciting time for me. There are so many wonderful opportunities to shape and form Christ Church into the place God is calling it to be, and to form the person I am called to be. It will not always be easy. We must wrestle with God just like Jacob did, and in time He will reveal His plan for you and for me.

This is not “goodbye”, but instead “I’ll see you around”. Christ Church will always hold a special place in my heart, and will always have my deepest gratitude. I will continue to keep all of you in my prayers, and hope you keep me in yours.

Your fellow servant in Christ,
Dee Tavolaro

My personal trinity

So I wrote this paper for my writing class, but ended up not using it. When I showed my work to the TA she really liked it. Thought it would be a good sermon or opinion piece on what it means to be a priest or what it means to be a Christian. It is just a draft, but there it is.

“Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some people move our souls to dance. They awaken us to new understanding with the passing whisper of their wisdom. Some people make the sky more beautiful to gaze upon. They stay in our lives for while, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never ever the same.”

I have spent a great deal of time hanging around churches over the past seven years. I guess that’s what happens when you feel that God is calling you to the Priesthood. On my journey, I have encountered many wonderful people. But, three stand out above the rest. To put it simply, they have become my own personal trinity.

I first met The Rev’d John Van Siclen in March of 2005. It was then that he started his time as Interim Rector of Christ Episcopal Church in Lincoln Rhode Island – my former parish. I was apprehensive at first, to allow myself to build a relationship with John. I was extremely close with the priest who served at Christ Church before John. Her departure left me absolutely devastated. Just as quickly as our relationship developed she was gone. It was as if when she left she took my trust with her. I wasn’t about to put myself in a situation where I would get close with John just in time for him to leave. But, it seemed the more I tried to stay away the closer we became. It all started over a cup of coffee.

Every Sunday between the two services, John and I would go down to Dunkin’ Donuts for what I called “Joe with John”. We talked about anything and everything. But, more often than not we ended up talking about church politics. John had a really good sense of all that was going on in the wider church. I took our time together as an opportunity to learn about the polity of the church. Who the big players are, what the issues were, and all that jazz. As time went on, John took me to different events around the Diocese of Rhode Island. Introducing me to various people, and helping me establish my own name on that level. He even did the same at a National Church convention we attended. He helped me build relationships around the church, relationships that would benefit me now and in the future. Part of being a priest – like anything else – is building a network, a safety net; around you of people who can help you expand your ministry. John not only helped me lay the foundation of my network, but he helped me remember that it is ok to trust others. That it is important to risk being hurt, in order to get close to others.

They say that laughter is the best medicine. Well if that is the case than The Rev’d Susan Wrathall is the best doctor around. Mother Susan works as the Assistant to the Rector at St. Paul’s Episcopal Church in Pawtucket Rhode Island – my home parish. If I ever went to church feeling a little blue or wasn’t having a good day, one conversation with Mother Susan would change that completely. In fact, I can’t really remember an encounter with Mother Susan where I didn’t laugh at some point.
A big part of Mother Susan’s ministry revolves around Christian formation, or in other words, Christian education. In July of 2007 I had the opportunity to work with Mother Susan in one of the greatest forms of Christian formation there is – Chaplain’s time at ECC. ECC is the Episcopal Conference Center. Among other things it serves as the Diocese of Rhode Island summer camp. Mother Susan served as the Chaplain for younger children’s camp, and I have the privilege of being her assistant. Throughout the week, we shared different Bible stories with the kids. At times she would even teach them a song to go with it. I don’t think I will ever again laugh as hard I did when she started sing and doing hand gestures to the song “Who built the ark?”
“Who built the ark? Noah! Noah!” she would sing as she threw her hands in air. “Who built the ark? Brother Noah built the ark!”
I always knew she took her ministry very seriously, but it was then I learned that she didn’t take herself so seriously. She could laugh at herself, make things enjoyable and fun for other, and have a great time doing it. Things can get very difficult in the life of the church, and sometimes the only thing you can do is have a good laugh and sing a little song.

Besides camp, and everyday life around the church there is something else very important that I have been able to share with Mother Susan. Every once in a while after Morning Prayer, I’ll go with Mother Susan to drop off whatever collection the church has just finished. Sometimes we would deliver school supplies, and sometimes it was coats. Going and dropping these things off allowed me to see the difference we were making. It was on these trips that I was reminded of the importance of service. That the life of a priest is the life of service, and that above all that is what they are there for. To reach out to those in need, to love, to care, to work, and to share.

The Rev’d Bill Locke is possibly the greatest priest I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. He is a quiet and humble man, who truly understands the pastoral nature of the priesthood. He is always there lifting up others for there work, without mention of himself. I had met Bill a few times here and there, but really my first opportunity to get to know him was at a national church convention during the summer of 2006. At first he seemed like just your average parish priest. But, shortly after our return home I would learn that there was something special about him. At a follow up meeting for the convention Bill showed up in khaki pants and a Hawaiian shirt. When he saw me, he said, “Dude! How you doing?” I still had no clue what was so different about him, but I knew whatever it was I liked it.

My favorite part of the Episcopal Church is the liturgy. There is something so moving, so fulfilling, so comforting about a well-done liturgy. I can’t explain it, but no one does liturgy like Bill Locke. There is something about attending worship at St. Paul’s that is just different than any other church around – something special. He has shown me new depths of liturgy that I didn’t know existed. The prayers are said with a sense of passion and seriousness. They aren’t just read like you would read a story, they are believed. The level of musical excellence allows the worshipper to close their eyes, and enter into mediation. It is there purely to enhance the prayer, and not as some sort of mini concert. Every element of the worship service – the liturgy – is carefully planed. Each move, each prayer, set to allow those present to put their daily distractions behind them and truly focus on God. Through example he taught me not only to bring my life to the liturgy, to come longing for spiritual nourishment. But to also bring the liturgy to my life, and spread the light and message of Christ with others.

Very quickly Bill became more than just another priest. He became my priest and my friend. He was always there to listen, to give advice, and to offer his prayers. During the Fall Semester I found myself in a bit of trouble. I had started smoking cigarettes again, and drinking became an everyday thing whether it was with friends or alone. I couldn’t take it any more. I had to share what was going on with someone. One morning I found myself sitting at my computer and confessing everything to Bill in an email. Later that afternoon, I was driving back up to Maine for school. On the way to the highway I passed by my church and I saw Bill’s car in the parking lot. I knew I had to stop. I couldn’t just let it go with the email. I knocked on his office door to see if he had time to talk. As he got up from his desk he said, “I’m glad you stopped by.” With that he gave me a big hug. It was in that moment that I knew things would be ok. They weren’t going to be easy, but in time all would be fine. We talked for maybe an hour or so. At the end of our conversation he said two things to me that I will never forget. He told me that he was good at receiving calls from college, as he has two grown daughters of his own, and that if I ever needed to talk that I should call him. Then he told me that I shouldn’t give up because things would get better. He told me that I was special and that there were a lot of people who cared about me and loved me. He gave me another hug, and sent me on my way. As I pulled away from the church I knew he truly cared, and that was the greatest gift I could ask for. Bill showed me what it truly means to be a pastor.
It was all starting to connect. That trust that I had regained through my friendship with John, allowed me to connect with Bill. It allowed me to reach out in my time of greatest need, and get the love and support I needed to make it through. I put myself in an extremely vulnerable situation by confessing my behavior to Bill. I had to trust that he in return would treat that vulnerability with respect, kindness, and support.

I truly believe that each person is a reflection of those who they learn form, and those whom they love. As we watch those around us, we learn from them, and apply those lessons to our own life. As Glinda and Elphaba sing in the song “For Good” from the Broadway Musical Wicked:

I’ve heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don’t know if I believe that’s true
But I know I’m who I am today
Because I knew you . . .
. . . I have been changed for good.

I believe that my life and ministry – now and in the years to come – is a reflection of those clergy and people I have known and loved. I hope that my ministry can be a reflection of my personal trinity. That I can learn to be open with others, entrust them with my vulnerability, and allow them to trust me with theirs. That I may never take myself too seriously, and can always remember the value of a good laugh and a little song. That I may live a life of service, going into the world to love, to care, to work, and to share. That I may, most importantly, love and care for those for are entrusted to my care. I hope that one day I leave footprints in the heart of someone the way they have for me. I hope that one day, because of knowing me, someone is changed for good.

Christmas

So as any person involved in the church will tell you, it has been a pretty crazy two days. But, it was all totally worth it - at least for me. I don't have any great words to share at this point, but my brain isn't functioning much today anyway due to lack of sleep.

This was in the E-pistle this week at St. Paul's Church Pawtucket, they also put it in the bulletin for Christmas. I thought it was kind of cool.

This is, as I have learned, the Solemn Proclamation of Christmas. Both Christ Church Lincoln, and St. Paul's Pawtucket began there late service with this.

On the twenty-fifth day of December, unknown ages from the time when God created the heavens and the earth and then formed man and woman in his own image.

Several thousand years after the flood, when God made the rainbow shine forth as a sign of the covenant.

Twenty-one centuries from the time of Abraham and Sarah; thirteen centuries after Moses led the people of Israel out of Egypt.

Eleven hundred years from the time of Ruth and the Judges; one thousand years from the anointing of David as king; in the sixty-fifth week according to the prophecy of Daniel.

In the one hundred and ninety-fourth Olympiad; the seven hundred and fifty-second year from the foundation of the city of Rome.

The forty-second year of the reign of Octavian Augustus; the whole world being at peace, Jesus Christ, eternal God and Son of the eternal Father, desiring to sanctify the world by his most merciful coming, being conceived by the Holy Spirit, and nine months having passed since his conception, was born in Bethlehem of Judea of the Virgin Mary.

Now in our own time this marks the Nativity of Our Lord, Jesus Christ, after the manner of all flesh.

Anyway, Merry Christmas to all. May it be a truly blessed 12 days.

Hodie Christus natus est.

A gentle knock

Being the church geek that I am, I go to church all the time. Through years of worship in various places, I've heard more sermons then I can remember. But, there are some that just stick with me.

Every year on the first Sunday of Advent, Mount St. Charles Academy holds a service of Advent Lessons and Carols (a fine Anglican tradition that the former Chaplin borrowed from him Anglican brothers during his time in England). Every service begins with a message from the principal. In affect it is a mini Sermon. The first service of Lessons and Carols I was apart of was 2003, my freshman year. Mr. Richer had just become the first lay person to be principal of Mount. His opening was just one of those sermons I will never forget. Below I have paraphrased Mr. Richer's words.

Advent is a time a preparation. A time to prepare our hearts for the birth of our Savior Jesus Christ. Every Advent seasons as I prepare myself, I am reminded of a painting. It is of Jesus standing outside someones door holding a light. He is knocking at the door. At a quick glance there doesn't seem to be anything special about this painting. But, if you look closely you will notice that there is no handle on the door. In order of the owner of the house to let Christ in he (the owner) must make the intentional effort and open the door. Christ, can't do it for him. That is what we are called to do this Advent season. We are called to listen for the gentle knocking at our hearts. When it comes we must open our hearts to his light and make room for the coming of the King.

This Advent season I hope that we can all take time to be still and know that God is there. That we can in the silence of our hearts listen for the gentle knocking, and when it comes invite Christ is.

An Advent Reflection

I have always found a special connection with Advent. I'm not really sure just want it is, but I've always been able to identify with this season of joyful preparation. This year I decided to do something a little different then I've done in years past. I'm actually observing Advent. Intellectually I've always known that Advent is a time to prepare ones heart for the birth of Christ, but I've never been able to put that into practice.

I think it is so easy for me to really honor Advent this year, as my life has of late turned into its own season of Advent. For about two months now I've known that UNE was not the school for me. After a couple of weeks I had made the decision to leave. Once I made that choice, everything became a preparation for transferring. Moving stuff home, applying to other schools, filling out paper work, etc. This transition is a joyful one - for me at least. As each task is completed I come a little bit closer to leaving.

Yet, when I first became the semester I did not know I was "lost". It took time before I could realize I was in a place I wasn't supposed to be in. Yesterday morning I had the opportunity to attend a Eucharistic service. The Gospel reading, was one that I could easily identify with.

Matthew 18:12-14

12What do you think? If a shepherd has a hundred sheep, and one of them has gone astray, does he not leave the ninety-nine on the mountains and go in search of the one that went astray? 13And if he finds it, truly I tell you, he rejoices over it more than over the ninety-nine that never went astray. 14So it is not the will of your* Father in heaven that one of these little ones should be lost.


I'm sure at first that sheep did not know he was lost. But, eventually the sheep was found and brought home. Here at UNE I have been "found" and very soon will be brought home.

Advent is a time of preparing ourselves of the coming of Christ. A time to look inward. As we reflect on our spiritual journeys we may find that we have been lost, and didn't even know it. But, as our season continues, as we open our hearts to the birth of Christ we find that we are finally brought home.

An Anniversary of Sorts

As most of you who read this know, I feel - and have for several years - felt called to the Priesthood. As I look back it feels as if this has always been a part of my life. I think I've been told stories of how I would play church with my stuffed animals - give them communion and everything. I was raised in the church. I can remember so many nights, where my parents would drag me along to various church functions. Then I started acolyte. One of the first times I served was for the Bishop, and it seemed almost every time she came I was one of the acolytes. Every time the Bishop would come she would ask the oldest acolyte if they ever thought about the Priesthood. Even though she wasn't asking me I always thought that would be really cool. Afterwards I would have this weird feeling. Each time she asked this feeling would get a little strong and stay a little longer. Well then one day something changed.

That little bit of background brings me to explaining the Title of this post. I'll never forget the exact moment I knew that God was in fact calling me to the Priesthood. It was the first Sunday of Advent 2001, I was 12 years old, in the 7th grade, and Nancy Olmsted was still the Rector. I was the acolyte at the 8 o'clock service. Nancy had me light the first candle on the Advent wreath. As I was lighting the candle I could feel a pair of hands on my shoulders. The scary thing was, that no one was around me. Later on in the service - during the confession - I closed my eyes to really focus on the prayer. Suddenly, I wasn't in Christ Church anymore. I was in the middle of a field, with a crystal clear blue sky. All of a sudden a mass a pure white clouds rushed over me. The clouds opened and a figured descended. I couldn't make out the figure, but some how I knew it was Jesus. I could feel him hold my hands, and he said to me "Whom shall I send", and I replied "Here I am, send me." Then we began to walk together. We came to a fork in the road. When I turned back to Jesus, I couldn't see him, but I could feel his presence. I had to make a choice. I went down the path on the right. As I walked down the path I was filled with warmth and comfort. At the end of the path was an altar, and I was standing behind it celebrating the Eucharist. All of a sudden I was back at Christ Church kneeling in my pew. I got really nervous that I had missed a huge chunk of the service. But, when I listened to the prayer the members of the congregation were saying. It was the confession - the same spot we were at when I closed my eyes.

From then on I have questioned my calling, but haven't regretted - haven't looked back. I know that morning I picked the right path, and it has put me on a wonderful journey. The adventures I've been on, and the people I've met are gifts I thank God for everyday.

So this Sunday December 2nd is the 1st Sunday of Advent. It has been six years since I've identified my calling. As I look back on the past six years, I am incredibly thankful for every minute, every second, good and bad. I'm thankful for all God has blessed me with these past six years, and can't even begin to imagine what adventures I will have on the journey ahead. May the next six years, be and amazing and blessed as the first.

Catching Up

So it has been over a month since I have posted. I apologize to my faithful readers, but a lot has been going on.

November was an interesting month. Here were some of the highlights

On Sunday Nov. 4th I went to hear the choirs of St. Paul's Episcopal Church (Pawtucket) and St. Luke's Episcopal Church (East Greenwich) sing a service of Evensong then in honor of All Saints and all who have been lost in the current war they sang Gabriel Faure's Requiem, which was breathe taking.

On the 11th, I had the opportunity to go to a confirmation, as it was part of the Bishop's visit at Trinity Saco, ME. It was a very nice service. I can imagine for those members of Trinity it was especially important as it was the last time Bp. Chilton Knudson will (most likely) visit Trinity before she retires.

Nov. 16 - 18 the UNE Players preformed Cupid's Dust. It was wonderful. I had such a blast being Dr. Love. It was great to finally get on stage, but it was sad that our journey as a cast - a family - is finally over.

Wednesday the 21st Mount had it's annual yearbook signing party. It was incredibly awkward, but great to see my friends - and finally get my yearbook.

THANKSGIVING - I had a nice relaxing day with my Mom. I did NOTHING!! It was a nice change from the way things normally work.

Friday the 23rd - Was my first Basement in such a long time. Again it was really great to spend sometime with my friends.

Saturday the 24th - Was most definitely a highlight of the month. I had breakfast with Dan. It was wonderful to see Dan, as I hadn't seen him since August. Then I headed over to Mount to meet Mrs. Smith and her daughter Kelly. we had a blast decorating her room. Than Mr. Smith met us and we went into Boston to go see ELLIOT! It was everything I had imagined and more. It made for a really late night - especially since I had to finish a presentation for church when I got home - but totally worth it.

Sunday the 25th - It was a normal crazy Sunday. I went to the 8 o'clock service at Christ Church Lincoln. I got there a few minutes late, because I went to Starbucks before Church. Then I lead the adult education session. Sunday was the Last Sunday after Pentecost. It was a day that the national church, and the diocese of Rhode Island designated as a special day of prayer, fasting, and giving to the MDGs and global reconciliation. Then I grabbed a few shots of Christ Church, and booked it over to St. Paul's Pawtucket for the 10:30 service. The service was wonderful as always, but coffee hour was the tops. I didn't get pumpkin pie on Thanksgiving, and there was pumpkin pie at coffee hour. I was SSSSOOOOO excited! Then I went back to Christ Church met with Scott, and headed to Mount to see the JR. High Drama production of Aladdin. It was marvelous - another classic Rita Maron production! Then back to Christ Church for the Emmaus service done U2charist style. It was great fun!

On Monday, a lot of little things happened that made it just a wonderful day. I went to Morning Prayer at St. Paul's then home and took a nap. i went out to lunch with Bill Locke which was a real treat for me to get to spend some time with him. Then I did some work. After dinner I went to visit Al Barnaby. It was so uplifting to see what progress he has made. I ended up spending about four hours with him as I didn't leave till about 10. How time flies when you're having fun!

Today had it's ups and it's downs. It started off great. Went to Starbucks, then 7:30 Eucharist at St. Paul's then coffee and conversation. Since the clergy had a safe church training at St. Paul's at 9 Bill Locke and Mother Susan couldn't say morning prayer with Bette and I, so I got to lead it. That was really cool. I went home packed my stuff and headed back to school. The day went down hill from there. I got stuck in horrible traffic. When I got back to school I discovered that once again my roommate had shown a lack of respect for my space. She let one of her friends mess with some of my stuff. A couple pictures I had hanging up were all scratched and bent. I really don't want to be here, but I only have 11 more days on Campus.

The Anglican Communion continues to be all over the place. Now that I'm on the House of Bishops/Deputies listserv, I am bombarded with emails. I don't read all of them, but I read one the other day that spoke of Bob Duncan - Queen of Quittsburgh - I mean Bishop of Pittsburgh. It said he and his followers aren't Episcopalians or Anglicans, but instead members of "Duncanism" making them "Dunkers" and pretty soon you will start seeing them gathering at "Dunkin Donuts". I hope that now since a lot of the conservatives are leaving/left/planning on leaving we can move on, and focus on being Christ's body in the world.

Convention Reflection

So Diocesan Convention is over, and I'm back at school. All and all I will say it was an excellent weekend back in good old Rhode Island. So here is a run down of my weekend and then more specifics on convention!

So went to Mount on Friday afternoon and had a nice heart to heart with my favorite teacher and friend Mrs. Carol Smith. Went and got a hair-cut then headed to the Biltmore for Convention - of course I stopped at the Starbucks first! I go up to the Grand Ballroom on the 17th floor, and it was a constant telling of "Not so good. Long story short UNe not a good fit and next semester I'll be back in Rhode Island." The dinner was good. I got to sit with both of my parishes - Christ Church and St. Paul's. Paul Pickens (Christ Church member) got the Bishop Higgins Award. Convention ended relatively early, and then I hung out in Providence with some friends.

Saturday got to the Biltmore a little before eight, and of course got my Starbucks first. Get up to convention, chatted with people had Eucharist convention business. Voted for dupties the first time and three people were elected I was not one of them it took most of the day, until the fourth ballot for myself to be elected. (The four clergy deputies are Jennifer Pedrick, Scott Gunn, Bill Locke, and Craig Burlington. The four lay are Caryl Frink, Maryanne Kolakowski, Becky Gettel, and myself). Then convention business - 18 boring reports + 2 resolutions later we were out of there by like 2:30 quarter of 3. Then I did some stuff, had dinner with Dan Harvey, and hung out with my friend Nick.

Sunday went to Christ Church at 8, helped with the education session (on Diocesan Convention) then went to St. Paul's 10:30 service. Then came back to school.

All and all great weekend.

I will say this. I am incredibly honored and humbled that I was elected to be a Deputy to General Convention. The fact that I was elected as an 18 year-old with two seasoned and loyal deputies on the ballot is amazing. It really hasn't hit me yet, that I am a Deputy from the Diocese of RI.

For a little humor:

Dee you've just been elected what are you going to do now?

I'm going to Disneyland!

Look out Disney here comes the Episcopal Church
General Convention 2009 - Anaheim, California!

Here we go again

So here we go! Today is the day I have been waiting for since may of 2006. This is my third Diocesan Convention, second time as a voting member. But, today is the first time I will be up for election. "Dee for Deputy" as some might say. I'll have to admit I'm a little nervous - i really want to be elected. But, I know the Holy Spirit will guide the delegates of this convention into making the right decision on who you represent them at the 2009 General Convention. Did anyone notice that last year it was pouring on the Saturday of convention. As looked outside this morning I noticed it was raining. Thought it was kind of funny!

On Diocesan Convention

So last night was the deanery pre-convention meeting. So the majority of our meeting was dedicated to Diocesan Convention. This year we have all of two resolutions! I assume there will be late resolutions submitted on the floor, but you just never know.

One of the resolutions - resolution 2 - I like. It is called "Energy Conservation and Sustainable Development." The basics of the resolution are to help congregations become "Greener". As a group we thought that one amendment should be made, but other than that it was good.

The other resolution is another story. Resolution 1 is titled "Statement on Same-Sex Relationships." When someone asked the question "Does anyone here like this resolution?" No one spoke up. It is a poorly written resolution, with was to many resolves, that doesn't actually do anything. I also have a problem with it in that is does not completely follow the proper format by not having an explanation. But, basically it says on the issue of Same-Sex Relationships is a difficult and complex one, and we do not - at this time - agree on it. Therefore, we should respect each others differences, pray that "the grace of God, the love of Christ and the wisdom of the Holy Spirit may guide us as we seek to discern our Creator's will, both on these issues and in all endeavors of our life," and offer love and support to those who must leave us. So basically this resolution is calling us to pray and act like adults. As a group we talked very briefly on a substitute resolution, but I don't think I would agree with that either. The other problem with this resolution is the code language sure to get at Bishop Wolf. "We urge our fellow servants who hold titles of authority within this diocese to be mindful of the diverse perspectives in our ranks and to not publicly imply that the people of the diocese hold a single position on any of the issues regarding same-sex relationships." There is been a lot of talk about people's unhappiness with the Bishop and how she "speaks for the whole diocese" (Every time I've heard her speaks I feel as though she has always been very clear that she does not speak for all of us). However this resolution is trying to speak for the whole diocese.

My biggest problem with this resolution is that I believe - on this and all issues - that we should be making decisions as a whole group and have the consequences of those decisions place on one group of people. In other words we shouldn't as a whole be telling one group of people what to do. At General Convention the national church did this with resolution B033. They basically said that while we as a church made the decision to consecrate Gene Robinson to the episcopate we are going to have the gay and lesbian people bear the burden of our actions. At a post convention meeting I thought General Convention Deputy Rev'd William Locke said it best. He said (and I don't remember his exact words) I couldn't vote for something that was going to put the burden on "them" when we all made the choice. If we - as a Diocese - are going to put forth a resolution on Same-Sex anything we need to have our own "listening process" we need to invite liberals and conservatives and LGBT people to come together. The LGBT community is not a scape goat of the consequences of the church's actions. I know this resolution isn't any where near B033, but seeing this resolution makes me a little nervous. Resolutions like B033 have to start somewhere.

I know I will not be voting for this resolution as it stands. Last night one good idea for a substitute resolution came up, and I might be able to go for that. All I know is that we should all act like adults and say what we mean, we should continue to pray for guidance in our lives, and actually listen to each other to come up with a reasonable resolution that a) does something and b) doesn't put all the burden on 10% of the people.

Greet your new Priest-in-Charge

Just want to say, and I'll write more this upcoming weekend, but I'm proud to say that I officially have a Priest-in-Charge. Last Sunday Bishop Wolf blessed the new ministry of Rev'd Scott A. Gunn. That is a picture of Scott and I taken back in August. I only got one picture of the service because my camera battery died. But, hopefully I will get some pictures from a fellow member of Christ Church to put up here.

of family and community

There are reasons why we are not solitary beings. Humans, whether we like it or not, must have contact with other people in order to survive. Part of the reason for this is support. When was of us is hurting we are all hurting. Thus it is important not to "suck it up." This is something I have most recently learned.

As those back home (RI) will confirm, I have been going home a lot of the weekends. In fact I have been back home almost every weekend since I moved into Featherman Hall at UNE. With going home and seeing people that I know they all ask the same question, "So Dee, how's school going?" I always give the same answer, "School is going great, I love it," or some variation thereof. However, that hasn't been the case. I figured that is what people expected to hear of me. I - as many people see me - make the best out of a situation, adapt to it that conquer it coming out #1. UNE, however much I wish it to be, is not a normal beast!

Let me take you through what happened last night (October 8, 2007). I went out for a drive a little before dinner - I think. At this point I was going to spend and extra night in RI and go back to UNE on Tuesday morning. When I got home from my ride, holding back tears, said to my Mom, "Mom, I think I'm going to go back tonight, because I'm not going to want to go back tomorrow any more than I am now." My Mom could sense that I was about to cry. She just looked at me, to which I replied, "I don't want to go back I hate it there."

My Mom and I had a nice long talk, and this is what I got out of it. UNE while a great school, just isn't right for me. I'm not a big fan of the people here, I've realized however much I love Rivers I am not science major material, and the whole 100% secular thing is killing me. The work load isn't the issue, in fact it is easier than my junior and senior years of high school. Living away form home isn't a problem either. While my Mom spoiled me, I am an independent person. I've travel a lot on my own and can take care of myself. The biggest issue is religion. I have no problem going to a non-Religiously affiliated school. Most schools like that generally have a chapel or a Christian group on campus. UNE, despite what the website says, doesn't not have a Christian group on campus. I figured it wouldn't be to bad if I could find a nice traditional liturgy - like I have gotten used to - at a local church. The churches near me aren't anything like what I am used to. The church I have been going to the past few weeks looks like a Congregationalist Church not an Episcopal Church. Despite the love I have for their Deacon, it just isn't anything near to the amazing liturgies I have back home at both of my churches. What can I say I have been spoil all the way around. I've been working with some clergy who are very serious about liturgy - in my book the way it should be. Now some may say that oh it just takes getting used to. But, I have been to churches like this one up here in Maine and it isn't my cup of tea - or in my case coffee.

So where does that leave me?!?!?!
I'm dropping part of my double major. So now I'm no longer a double in Environmental Studies and Political Science, but a simple major in Political Science. I'm also going to be applying to Providence College, Salve Regina, maybe Rhode Island College, and a school in Boston or two.

I love Maine, but I don't think I'm meant to live here - at least not now.

I'm really glad that I talked to my Mom, because if I didn't I would feel horrible and trapped and totally and completely feel depressed. But now everything is different. I don't feel trapped, and I'm not depressed. I'm excited for an inevitable change - maybe this semester or the next academic year.

All I know is that family and community are extremely important, and without them - I can't speak for you but - I couldn't survive.

Diocesan Convention

So I just went to my mailbox and was shocked to see my Diocesan Convention materials there waiting for me. After my first look through of the material this is what I have come up with.

(1) For the first time in the three or four diocesan conventions I've been to there will actually be real elections.

~ The Standing Committee has 4 candidates in the lay order to fill 1 position.
~ Diocesan Council has 3 candidates in the clergy order to fill 2 positions
~ (I guess you could say) The Commission of Congregational Development has a race in both orders as they each have 2 candidates for 1 position.

But here is the big one!

DEPUTIES TO GENERAL CONVENTION

Deputies: 4 Clerics and 4 Lay persons
Alternates: 4 Clerics and 4 Lay persons

* The 4 Deputies in each order and the 1st Alternates in each order get to attend General Convention

In the Clergy order there are a total of 8 candidates. We vote for 4.
In the Lay order there are a total of 6 candidates. We vote for 4.

In all of the offices I'm pretty sure I know who I am going to vote for except for the Clergy order of Deputies to General Convention. There are 8 very qualified candidates and I would feel comfortable with any of them. This will not be an easy vote. I know two I WILL be voting for, but I get to vote for two more and I have no idea who that will be.

(2) As for the resolutions, we have a grand total of 2 resolutions. Hopefully some people will come up with resolutions from the floor, or I have a feeling we will make record time at this convention in about 3 weeks.

Let us all pray for those people involved on all levels of this convention.
Let us pray for guidance on our resolutions and offices for elections.
Let us pray that the decisions made and those who we elect will be done with faithful hearts and with respect for those who may not be happy with the outcome.
Most of all let us pray that we as a diocese can work together to build up our community, foster growth, and spread the light and love of Christ throughout our diocese and the larger community.




P.S. for those of you who read this blog and don't already know, I am one of the 6 lay persons running to be a deputy to General Convention.

Dee for Deputy (GC 2009)

Around the communion

I know there are a ton going on in the Anglican Communion. Every dissenting male priest is being consecrated a Bishop, the HoB (House of Bishops) has just met in New Orleans for a very important meeting, that was another meeting in Pittsburg, and the JSC said the HoB's statement was good, etc., etc., etc.

But, really is that what we should focus so much of our time and energy on? How many churches are closing due to lack of funding or lack of membership. I know in my Diocese (RI) there have been several merges of parishes and from what I can tell have worked pretty well. Shouldn't we be focusing our time and effort on supporting our parishes and making decisions that will help them grow and succeed. How many average parishioners know who Gene Robinson, Bob Duncan, Rowan Williams, or Peter Akinola are. I bet there are some people who don't even know who their own diocesan bishop is, and they are getting along just fine.

Why aren't we focusing more of our energy on the work of the Millennium Development Goals. A plethora of Diocese and the National Church have committed themselves to this work. The national church even made the MDGs the number one mission priority for the next three years - so why aren't Susan Russell and Kendall Harmon writing about that. We can focus on so many other things peace, environmental sustainability, youth ministries, fostering vocations for ordained ministry in young people, and the list goes on.

If we are going to survive as a church we need to start talking about more than just who is sleeping with who and who doesn't want Katherine JEfferts Schori as their Presiding Bishop.

I'm not saying what is going on the TEC and the global Anglican Communion isn't important, because it is. I believe in an inclusive church. A church where everyone - gay, straight, black, white, yellow, green, purple, conservative, liberal, high church, low church, and any other thing you can think of - belongs and is loved and accepted.

Jesus didn't say, "If you are a straight white male and believe in me you will have eternal life." Jesus said, "WHOEVER believes in me will have eternal life." Open your church doors let everyone. Because when we can worship side by side with those who we disagree with then we are truly following - what I believe to be - the most important principles of Anglicanism. When we worship together, we can work together. We can realize that no one province is perfect and that we will all do things that upset each other, but in the end we will find we have more in common than we think. If we can't worship together how can we expect to say in communion together, how can we expect to bring Christ's light into the world.

Lessons from Africa

So I know it has been a while since I've written, but keeping up with all of my classes and blogospheria Anglicana (I believe is how Scott Gunn says it) I haven't had much time for blogging of my own.

One of the classes I am taking this semester is Introduction to Environmental Issues. In this class we read a chapter of "The Healing Wisdom of Africa". The chapter we read was titled "The Healing Power of Nature". The book is about the experiences of a man named Some and his life having been educated in French schools, but being a member of the Dargara Tribe in Africa. Within chapter two Some speaks of Nature and Community.

"Community is about communion, about serving, about being intimately connected. The intimate connections one has in a community cloak he individual with love and acceptance, making that individual feel extremely at home. Home here does not mean some territorial construction, a mere roof over one's head. It is, rather, the place you belong."

This is a lesson our Anglican Communion, TEC, our diocese, and our parishes need to learn. Even on the simplest level of our church structure I hear so many stories of people not being welcomed for one reason or another. People go to churches in search for God, and they find no connection. They are not served; they are not cloaked in love and acceptance, but rather treated as outsiders and turned away.

How many times have you seen someone in your church sitting alone? Or at coffee hour seen someone standing in the corner? Instead of saying to your friends, "Who is that and why are they in our church." Invite them to sit and worship with you and share a cup of coffee and get to know who they are.

When going to a church for the first time I always rate the church based on the "coffee hour test." After worship - which is generally good - I go to coffee hour and see if people come over and talk to me. If only the priest comes up to me or someone I already know I decide that they have failed the test. They have not opened themselves up as a community to receive new people whether they be there for a week, a month, a year, or a lifetime. If people come over to me, try to get to know me, and sincerely care about what I have to say then they pass. These congregations are places of growth, of warmth, and of love.

With the knowledge of Episcopal Churches that I have, I think it is safe to say that your church is trying to grow. To bring more people into the church and closer to God. But, would your church pass the coffee hour test?

Next time someone new is at the church go over and sit with them. Welcome them into the community and cloak them in a blanket of love and acceptance. Because for all you know that person may be in search for a home, and what better place to make a home than a church, a Christian community, a place centered around God's love and acceptance.

A theory behind all the consecrations

So everyday there are a few blogs that I read. One is InclusiveChurch. Earlier this evening I needed to take a break from my Biology and Chemistry homework, so I took a look at InclusiveChurch to see if Scott Gunn had anything to say. As I was looking though the new posts I stumbled across one titled To the victor belong the spoils! It is a great theory on all of the consecrations going on. I don't know about you, but it seems to me that for an episcopal male priest to become a bishop he just has to join up with an Archbishop of an African Province. Anyway, take a look at InclusiveChurch. Read what Scott has to say about this, and a lot of other ongoings in the Church and the worldwide Anglican Communion. He's got a lot of good ideas. It's time to get back to my Biology and Chemistry!

College

This is BIG! This is my first blog entry sitting at my new desk, in my new dorm, in my new school, in a new state! WOW! So I've finally made it. I've moved in, unpacked, and set up all my stuff. Everything seems really great. I have two roommates. One I already new who was and is still awesome. Kate and I get along really well. I'm just getting to know Lindsay. She has been playing World of Warcraft (?) for most of the night. Not to much else to say. I'll try to post as often as I can - I'm hoping a couple times a week. Below are a few pictures I took of my room.





It's hard to read, but the thing above my desk says "believe"



Those are my roommates beds. The one at the computer is Lindsay.

A message from Vacationland

So it is the morning of day 3 and I figured that I would give an account of what I've been up to. Last time we met, was my first night here. Remember I told you about the Portland Seadogs games? Anyway . . .

Yesterday I got virtually no sleep. I went to bed at 1 am (Saturday morning) and was up at 3. Two hours of sleep was not enough! At about 5am I went down to the dock. it wasn't very nice out. Cold, raining, yuck! I was going to say morning prayer, but it was raining harder than I would have liked, and I didn't want my prayer book and bible getting all went. So at about 5:30 I walked back up to the house sat on the porch and said morning prayer. Then I hung out with Pam until around 7:30 when John graced us with his presence. We then had coffee and sat on the porch. At around 9:30 we had breakfast and then drove up to the apartment to see how the LaFreniers were doing. Then to the barn to check on the Bowens. Once we had our game plan set. John and I drove into town to reserve the really cool - I think it's called - auger so we can put the fence up on Monday. We came back to Tidewater Way and picked up Pam and the gang. Then we were off to the Granite Mill Store. What an experience! I love that place. I bought some peanuts and a yo-yo. By the time we were done it was time for lunch. MOODY'S DINER!!!! It was just like John had described it. It was really good. Then we went back to the Van Siclens. It had gotten a lot nicer so the kids went down to the river. By this time I was starting to fade form the lack of sleep. So I sat out on the porch for a little while with John trying to get some energy. Turns out all I needed was a little action to get the energy going. John and I started working on the fence. That was fun. Some posts just didn't want to come out so with a little sweat and a lot of determination we got all of the posts and rails down. We went back to the house, I took a shower, and by the time I was back outside the Cappers had arrived. We all had dinner and then went to ice cream. By the time we got back to the house, and cleaned up I was exhausted! So I went to bed really early for me. I think I was asleep by 10:30pm! I finally sleep more than a few hours. I woke up and it was 6:30 this morning. John was up once I got up and we had some coffee, hung out and now I'm writing here.

It's a glourious morning! I was freezing when I got up. I guess I'll have to get used to that! Well it's about that time. Have to go get ready then go to church.

V-A-C-A-T-I-O-N!!!

So here I am my first night of vacation! It feels like so long since I've taken time for myself, so I'm doing it now. Yesterday I traveled up to South Bristol, Maine to a wonderful place called Tidewater Way. Tidewater Way is this wonderful retreat established by John and Pam Van Siclen. (p.s. this is the John for which the blog is named). So last night on the way I met up with two other Christ Church families who are also here at Tidewater this weekend.

So there isn't too much to say now, but this. I've been feeling burnt out lately, and I really needed to get away. I'm hoping these next few days will be the perfect recharge for me. I can't wait to see what these five days will bring.

Jonathan Daniels Day 2007

I can't believe another year has passed, and we've already celebrated the feast day of Jonathan Myrick Daniels. My how time flies by when were having fun.

This year as I have reflected on the life and ministry of Jonathan Daniels, I a, reminded of two very important things: (1) the vows of our baptismal covenant; and, (2) my own call to serve. For Jonathan and I think for most of us these two things are extremely difficult to separate.

The last three questions of The Baptismal Covenant have to do directly with work and ministry. The first, "Will you proclaim by word and example the Good News of God in Christ?" We are required and challenged to live out the values and beliefs of the Gospels - the life of Christ - to create this idea of the kingdom here on earth.

"Will you seek and serve Christ in all persons, loving your neighbor as yourself?" During Jonathan's life African American people were not treated equally. They were truly second class citizens. Yet, Jonathan was able to recognize the face of Christ in each one of them. During his time in the south he lived, worked, and worshiped side by side with people many different people that society wouldn't have him associate with. But, Jonathan understood what Jesus meant when he said "love you neighbor."

"Will you strive for justice and peace among all people, and respect the dignity of every human being?" This is my favorite promise made during The Baptismal Covenant. This is how Jonathan lived out the final years of his life. He saw injustice in the country. He knew that it was not right that African Americans were being denied the basic Consitutional right to vote. He worked, rather, he strived for justice. He went to the south he marched and demanded for fair voting laws. Through working for justice he also worked for peace. He did this because Jonathan respected the dignity of every human being.

Jonathan answered two very important calls in his life (1) to enter into the priesthood, and (2) the call to march on Selma to gain voting rights for a peoples. His willingness to give up his life for others both literally and figuratively challenges us all. How are we, as people of faith, called to give up our lives in service of Christ and our fellow human being. How are we called to work for justice, freedom, and peace? How will we respect the dignity of every person? How will seek and serve Christ in those we meet? Jonathan made the ultimate sacrifice. He gave his life for his friend.

I'm still not to sure what to think having celebrated another Jonathan Daniels Day, but I find myself challenged now to think how I might serve others. May we all find the courage that filled Jonathan, and be willing to sacrifice our lives - hopefully figuratively - for others.