of family and community

There are reasons why we are not solitary beings. Humans, whether we like it or not, must have contact with other people in order to survive. Part of the reason for this is support. When was of us is hurting we are all hurting. Thus it is important not to "suck it up." This is something I have most recently learned.

As those back home (RI) will confirm, I have been going home a lot of the weekends. In fact I have been back home almost every weekend since I moved into Featherman Hall at UNE. With going home and seeing people that I know they all ask the same question, "So Dee, how's school going?" I always give the same answer, "School is going great, I love it," or some variation thereof. However, that hasn't been the case. I figured that is what people expected to hear of me. I - as many people see me - make the best out of a situation, adapt to it that conquer it coming out #1. UNE, however much I wish it to be, is not a normal beast!

Let me take you through what happened last night (October 8, 2007). I went out for a drive a little before dinner - I think. At this point I was going to spend and extra night in RI and go back to UNE on Tuesday morning. When I got home from my ride, holding back tears, said to my Mom, "Mom, I think I'm going to go back tonight, because I'm not going to want to go back tomorrow any more than I am now." My Mom could sense that I was about to cry. She just looked at me, to which I replied, "I don't want to go back I hate it there."

My Mom and I had a nice long talk, and this is what I got out of it. UNE while a great school, just isn't right for me. I'm not a big fan of the people here, I've realized however much I love Rivers I am not science major material, and the whole 100% secular thing is killing me. The work load isn't the issue, in fact it is easier than my junior and senior years of high school. Living away form home isn't a problem either. While my Mom spoiled me, I am an independent person. I've travel a lot on my own and can take care of myself. The biggest issue is religion. I have no problem going to a non-Religiously affiliated school. Most schools like that generally have a chapel or a Christian group on campus. UNE, despite what the website says, doesn't not have a Christian group on campus. I figured it wouldn't be to bad if I could find a nice traditional liturgy - like I have gotten used to - at a local church. The churches near me aren't anything like what I am used to. The church I have been going to the past few weeks looks like a Congregationalist Church not an Episcopal Church. Despite the love I have for their Deacon, it just isn't anything near to the amazing liturgies I have back home at both of my churches. What can I say I have been spoil all the way around. I've been working with some clergy who are very serious about liturgy - in my book the way it should be. Now some may say that oh it just takes getting used to. But, I have been to churches like this one up here in Maine and it isn't my cup of tea - or in my case coffee.

So where does that leave me?!?!?!
I'm dropping part of my double major. So now I'm no longer a double in Environmental Studies and Political Science, but a simple major in Political Science. I'm also going to be applying to Providence College, Salve Regina, maybe Rhode Island College, and a school in Boston or two.

I love Maine, but I don't think I'm meant to live here - at least not now.

I'm really glad that I talked to my Mom, because if I didn't I would feel horrible and trapped and totally and completely feel depressed. But now everything is different. I don't feel trapped, and I'm not depressed. I'm excited for an inevitable change - maybe this semester or the next academic year.

All I know is that family and community are extremely important, and without them - I can't speak for you but - I couldn't survive.