A discernment story

I recently came to the conclusion that it was time for me to leave Christ Church. A place that had been my home, and a people that have been my family for the past ten years. On coming to this conclusion the priest-in-charge, The Rev'd Scott Gunn, asked me to write a letter to the parish about my discernment on leaving. Copied below is that letter, which appeared in the bulletin on my last Sunday there.

“Almighty and everlasting God, by whose Spirit the whole body of your faithful people is governed and sanctified: Receive our supplications and prayers, which we offer before you for all members of your holy Church, that in their vocation and ministry they may truly and devoutly serve you; through our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, who lives and reigns with you, in the unity of the Holy Spirit, one God, now and forever. Amen”
Collect For the Ministry (Ember Days)
III. For all Christians in their vocation.
BCP pg. 256

Throughout life God calls us to do new things, to journey to new places. We, having received these calls, must then discern what God is asking of us. This is my story of discernment.

One of the greatest joys in my life is journeying to the altar week by week to receive communion. The experience, for me, transcends words. There are times when my spiritual connection with God during the Liturgy is so strong, that I have been moved to tears. However, about three years ago that feeling faded away. I had no connection to the service, and everything I did was just going through the motions. At first I assumed this to be natural, just part of the ebb and flow of spiritual life. I figured one day the feeling would come back, so I put it out of my mind and went on with life.

As my ministry grew I traveled to various national church events. Each event included daily worship of some kind, primarily a Eucharistic celebration. At each celebration I felt my connection with God growing stronger and stronger. I was grateful to renew this connection, but puzzled as to why it was happening at these events and not at Christ Church. To avoid any discomfort that might come from deeper prayer and thought, I rationalized each situation. “This one was with fifteen hundred other young people,” or, “Well, of course there is an intense feeling here. I’m at a candle lit Eucharist with other students who want to be ordained,” or “Its General Convention, of course the service is amazing.” After each event I came home, and returned to the routine of my worship life. Shortly after returning home form General Convention I decided to add a weeknight Eucharist to my spiritual life. The most convenient service for me to attend was the Wednesday night Eucharist at St. Paul’s Pawtucket. After the first week or two my spiritual connection was back. I was being spiritually nourished in ways that I had not been in years. Like all the other experiences I tried to rationalize them. But as the weeks went on my connection grew stronger and stronger. I had to face the music. I had to ask myself, “What is God calling me to?”

After a year of these services, it became clear what I needed to do. But, luckily I did not have to face it because I was moving to Maine for school. My plan changed when I transferred out of the University of New England to Rhode Island College. I had come back home, and I needed to face my problem.

At first I tried being apart of two congregations. Worshipping at the eight o’clock service at Christ Church, and the ten-thirty at St. Paul’s. For a while, that was working great. I was getting the worship experience I needed, while spending time with my family at Christ Church. However, that did not last long. The more time I spent at St. Paul’s the more I felt God calling me to be apart of that community.

It was an incredibly difficult decision to make. For the past ten years, the people here at Christ Church have been my family. I always felt at home at Christ Church, and it is probably safe to say that I spent more time here than at my actual home. So much of who I am today, is a reflection of my life and ministry here. You helped shape and form me into the person I am today, and for that I am truly thankful.

I believe that God is calling me to a new stage of my ministry, much as He is calling Christ Church to a new stage. I hope we can always listen for God’s call. We must open our hearts and minds to the discernment process He is leading us to. It is an exciting time in the life and ministry of Christ Church, and this is an exciting time for me. There are so many wonderful opportunities to shape and form Christ Church into the place God is calling it to be, and to form the person I am called to be. It will not always be easy. We must wrestle with God just like Jacob did, and in time He will reveal His plan for you and for me.

This is not “goodbye”, but instead “I’ll see you around”. Christ Church will always hold a special place in my heart, and will always have my deepest gratitude. I will continue to keep all of you in my prayers, and hope you keep me in yours.

Your fellow servant in Christ,
Dee Tavolaro